I’m Who Cares?, the author of this story, and all I wanted to say was thank you! Thank you for reading this story, giving it your precious time and energy, your brain cells, and possibly some bone marrow! This story began as an experiment on my part but I’m glad some people enjoyed it nonetheless.
Going forward, I intend to release a new story or two in around a month, and hope you’ll come with me for another journey. I may not be the most prolific author in the world, nor the most experienced, but I’ll try my best to craft something both you and I can enjoy.
Until then, I’d love any and all feedback you can give me about this project of mine. I firmly believe that the artist is dead and art lives solely in the minds of those who experience it, so give me your best shot!
Thank you very much for everything, have fun, live long and prosper!
Yours in fiction,
Overall, I enjoyed the story a lot: it effectively made the characters presented seem important (I actually cared about them, though not relate to them, which is fine for me) and really made me feel emotions. The “journey” in the story was executed quite evenly (though in my opinion some “arcs,” such as the school arc, could have been expanded to make them a bit more memorable or important), which allowed me to familiarize myself with the environment and make the setting important too, so the setting isn’t simply wallpaper.
However, as I mentioned back in chapter 71, there are still a lot of questions left unanswered (which is fine too but too many question will lead to plot holes, unless you purposefully did this to leave the reader thinking or give the world a mysterious feeling). For example, how in the world did an 11-year old Kai smuggle a dimensional spellbook from a top secret government expedition to another world? What importance is the old man living in the shack near the volcano. Also, thinking back now, the ending also seemed a bit rushed (you could have expanded the end more to get events to pile up). But then again, you aren’t exactly writing a 12 book series here (that is, unless you do decide to write a 1000 chapter epic, but if you make the story too long it will also become boring si the length is a balance).
Still, this story is still one of the best written stories I ever read online though and as far as I can see, there’s no major issues.
Please correct me if I got any facts wrong. Looking forwards to your next work!
(I’m gonna stop here now cuz I don’t want to write an entire critical paper.
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Yeah, I agree with everything you said. I wish I’d spent a little more time on the resolution and brought the main conflict to the forefront a little sooner but ah well, I learned a lot from the experience. Thank you so so so much for this feedback and for reading and commenting for so long, you’re amazing and I’ll always remember this!
Billyaabob gave a nice analysis that covered a good chunk of my critique, so here’s a shorter post.
One element I felt could have been pulled off better is the first chapter. Compared to the rest, especially the last chapters, it feels tired and cliched. Furthermore, it emphasises the LitRPG aspect of the story, which I think could be downplayed.
As a story, what sets it apart is the exploration of the idea of a perfect world. In my opinion, the LitRPG sect acts from that. Excising the overt LitRPG elements/tropes is hard, but the payoff would be worth it, if you ever decide to rewrite RE:WRITE. The most obvious is the status window.
I think DanMachi handles it in a neat way: Gods and goddess grant their blessing, and to get stronger, the adventurer must commit great deeds. There are stats, but they are a rating. There are skills, but they are handled in a way that feels like magic, and not an RPG.
I dislike LitRPGs, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think a more DanMachi-like system would have the benefit of having a more story-focused game, which suits Kai more than the stat-filled norm. Storyteller, etc.
Here’s my 2¢ and a finite, countable number of words. Here’s to whatever is next! :cheers:
I’m sorry if this offends you but the last few chapters kind of ruined it for me. Mind you, i see nothing wrong with how you chose to end this story. However, ever since the prologue and then claire’s resurrection i expected the resolution of kai’s dilemma to be something brilliant. My opinion is of course biased since I’m a sucker for happy endings and even if most of the characters in Erath got their happy endings it came at a cost that was too much. Removing kai, and thus everything about him from Erath would also remove everything his friends learnt in his presence, memories in the course of time determine the personality of an individual after all. By essentially taking away those memories, he took away their true growth (even if it had been achieved in a series of loops) Thus, the actual friends are lost forever, replaced by what the end explained. Without the knowledge of kai, their adventures, etc those people aren’t the real one’s who i came to love but rather modified copies who have been given a mostly perfect life. This is the ultimate godly interference even if kai has left the world for all intents and purposes. and in nature such constraints would usually cause explosive problems, and since such is not happening I’m forced to believe that the world, just like the people, was constrained too. Frankly, no matter how benevolent a god is, if He does not provide a free world to free citizens( for them to fall and weep if only to understand the value of joy, rather than not letting them fall at all) then that god does not know what true happiness is. What kai did was basically turn Choices into The Sims and i cannot bring myself to appreciate that no matter how hard i try. And considering that kai escaped from his problems once again, i do not see much of a change from the kai who used to be a human which i was hoping for during the resolution of the dilemma. The only message i managed to take is that ‘people do not change’ and i do not like that that principle came into play when the character was omnipotent,for how can one be omnipotent if He is incapable of adaptation (change) . I hope you understand what I’m trying to convey. If you do not agree with my points, no worries. Consider it the ramblings of a random guy.
Your story was beautiful regardless of my opinions, you already know that from the previous comments 🙂
Please keep writing, if it interests me I’ll be back at your online doorstep waiting just like all of your readerbase. Have fun. Enjoy life. And keep your loved ones happy 🙂
Also, please read- Utsuro no hako to zero no maria. It’s a beautiful Japanese light novel of a similar topic as your story. It’s ending also battles the problems of desires/conflicts /regrets in an imperfect world of imperfect people . However, the author brings about realizations in a vastly different manner. I learnt a lot from that, maybe you will too. Cheers 🙂
Just to note: The free translated version online has been taken down last year in December due to copyright reasons so you might need to buy the book to read it.
(Or I can send you translated pdf versions but I’m quite sure that’s not legal…).
But yeah, like what Kelek said, Utsuro is awesome and you would definitely enjoy it! 👍
Certainly, it is very different from stories I enjoy. The conflict exists, but cannot be defeated using conventional means. The heroes must journey not to become stronger, but to realize that the answer lies in the hands of a god. I wish I could make better and smarter statements, but I can’t right now. Orz. Oh well. I’ll just end it with a happy thought. Everyone dies, so don’t worry, and smile and laugh! *Insert Monty Python Always Look on the Bright Side of Things*